I love my peeps!!

That's code for my family... And while I search for connected thoughts to flow and inspire, random ramblings come to mind instead. Oh, well. It's been a fabulous Easter weekend!!!

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

As holidays approach (regardless which one), my mind sorts through options, needs, desires and hopes. I rarely enjoy planning because I start to second guess.... "Should I get that game to play?" "Will they like the food?" "What if they get bored?" Then they arrive... different times from different places... the house fills up... at 11pm I start to hush groups of them. And the most important thing is not the food... not the games... it's looking into each of their eyes... sharing a quick side trip to the store, one on one to connect... pulling another one aside to hug and chat with... and so it goes... on and on because there are so many of us! Yesterday, late afternoon it hit me. "Tomorrow at this time, " I thought, "most of them will be gone and it will be quieter again." Each time that happens, I sort through the pictures, giggling at funny memories, gazing at their faces on the screen, thankful to be their mom. Thankful that God above sees all of us down here, watches us gather, laugh and have fun and pours out His love into our lives. And I pray that every child grows to know God and accept Jesus' sacrifice for their salvation and eternity with our Father.

Here are lots of highlights from the weekend!!!

In preparation... I handed Shasta some bags and ribbon and asked if she'd divide out some treats into them, then I put a shirt or two into each bag.

I had to laugh at Shasta's bag:

She likes sweets!

The two oldest boys who were here... Stephen, on the left turned 19!

Here they are... almost all the kiddos... And this is all natural... Zoey smacking Victor on top of the head... the classic Stephen-look-of-impatience... ha ha!

And the "nicer" shot:

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Semantics... Sometimes it doesn't matter.

Some words make people feel uncomfortable. Some words are used to manipulate people's emotions... to sway and control. Some words are avoided because they imply that someone is wrong. I get tripped up a bit when I encounter that kind of thing because I never reason out or purpose to use words to get my way or to sway another. Call me naive or whatever word comes to your mind, but I tend to prefer transparency and honesty.

So, why that introduction? Because I want to write about some of life's recent experiences and they are tied to words that are often triggers that "stir up" some people.

Addiction and dependency. Now those are loaded words right there!! But, they happen to be the words attached to recent life events. Because I like to keep my blog publicly available, I try to write from a directly personal frame and protect the privacy of family. I will disclose that I am not referring to my husband or myself when it comes to addiction or dependence.

When is dependence a problem? When is it determined that dependence has become addiction? Does that matter?

If someone you love is hospitalized a couple of times per year due to alcohol consumption... but doesn't have a daily or weekly habit, is it a "problem"? Should that be labeled? Has that person found ways of hiding consumption? What does a parent do? Is alcohol one piece of the pie that contains slices of other methods of self-medicating? Self-soothing? Is the person trying the only way they can to scream out for help? Maybe the person just wants to goof off and "have fun"? But, what if once they start "having fun", they cannot regulate themselves?

Such are the questions I have been pondering. And I have to say the best thing for me is to toss out the semantics and not get hung up over words and instead tie strings of attachment with the person struggling and do all I can to love and support.

In the case of the someone who I love so dearly and am diligently striving to support (not enable... support), alcohol is a piece of a pie that is used to "cope". I am proud that my someone has been able to get to the point of honestly with a team that has sprung up around us. It didn't happen overnight, but I prayed and took steps to reach out and am so thankful that at this point there is a group of professionals who have the respect of my loved one and who will look past "rules" and who are committed to one shared goal: the healing and future of my loved one. And for the semantic record, a professional recently shared that it is not believed that my loved one is an "alcoholic", but that my loved one could easily slip into that category if not very careful about future use. My loved one has used alcohol and some other "things" to self-soothe, to cope, and to goof off... Sigh. That's hard on a parent.

Since alcohol is just a piece and since I began with a statement on semantics, I'll touch on another piece. Anorexia Nervosa. That's the professional diagnosis given at a recent appointment. When does one decide that someone "has" an eating disorder? Well, I think it doesn't matter, what does matter is that the person gets support and help. However, other people cannot accept it. Perhaps if you "say" that someone has a disorder, you think that the person's identity has changed. Perhaps you want to see that person as "flawless" and if they have a addiction... dependency... disorder... perhaps they are less than perfect?? Perhaps a parent would feel like they were part of the problem? Perhaps a person decides that success only looks one way and one cannot be successful if they have these "problems". Well, in the scheme of things, the more important thing is not what we call it or if we want to deny it, but that the loved one gets the support and help needed. In our particular case, a diagnosis was made based on significant, verifiable physiological facts. What do we want for those who we love? Really... stop and ask, "What do I want for this person?" I want this person to be whole, healthy, confident... I want this person to wake up secure in our relationship... I want this person to know that not matter what, I am here to guide and love. I want this person to have hope for a great future. I want this person to wake up and grasp hold of life with enthusiasm and LIVE!!!!

Not only do we have a medical team working with us, but there are several staff at the local school who really, truly care. What a blessing! Truly, the sky is bluer and spring all the more glorious because this burden is being shared by such an amazing team.

I would love to talk about the challenges more openly, but, this will have to do. When I blog I prefer to have great photos and share exciting, happy or beautiful events in life. But, I also have to be true to my "Seven Steps Up' purpose... and that is to sit and ponder about life and what it is teaching me.

I have been learning to hold my tongue when I want to judge my loved one. I have learned some techniques for dealing with dependency issues and eating disorders. I will share more about those techniques soon.

For now, Blessings!

April - New Beginnings!! New Happiness Project Resolution

New Beginnings. We all need them. Each day we have one. It's what I love about a "new year". I'm celebrating this year's "Happy New Year" twice... and this month is that second celebration.

I thought a lot about the basics again lately: using my calendar and planner, keeping notes jotted down so I don't forget things, setting daily goals and following up in the evening and getting to bed on time (that's so difficult for me!). Yes, I focused on these things in January. I still need to keep at it. I desperately need to keep praying and drawing close to God as well. I have a personal cd player and a new worship cd... think I'll put that to use!

April – Energy/Health: Sleep habit... vitamins... exercise... reduce stress...

That is what I had pre-planned for this month and it's awesome!!! That's just what I want to work on! Last month I picked up a couple of new exercise dvd's and my daughter found my 30 Day Shred and gave it back to me! I have been doing pilates once or twice a week, which I love because I can do it barefooted. So, I will work on exercising 4 days a week (cardio) and doing pilates 3 days a week. Oh, I also find pilates to be relaxing! The dvd I have has a scene that looks similar to the Grand Canyon and the music is soothing. Add bare feet to that and it sure beats cardio! But, I have to do some cardio, too.

I am going to focus on drinking more water daily and finding a liquid form of some of the vitamins/supplements that I'd like to take. I hate the idea of taking vitamins in pill form because if they don't break down and dissolve, they are not doing any good...

I will try to get to sleep closer to 9 each evening, but no promises. Sometimes I just am not tired at that time and then I feel stressed that I am not asleep. It has been working to use a small clip on book light and curl up in bed to read... I get sleepy! That reminds me of 12th grade and our AP English assignment to read The Odyssey. Put me to sleep all hours of the day!! Maybe I should get another copy. Nah. I know the story line better and I'd get too interested and involved... Sigh.

Anyway, I could sit here pondering how to write out flowery words and descriptions and come up with some profound statement to make, but then I'd never be able to get up and get to my "to-do" and I'd get bored. So, you are stuck with uninspired ramblings today! But, I've put in a lot of exclamation marks to keep it interesting. Did it help??

Okay, friends, those of you who are working on some Happiness Resolutions need to contact me and share how you are doing!!!! What is something that you can work on to increase your happiness level this month?

Blessings! Will write more soon to catch you all up on what's been going on...

Project Garden 2012

Most years spring hits and warm days follow, one after the other. We all work together and get a garden planted. Weeks later we are overrun with zucchini and squash and can hardly wait to munch on cherry tomatoes.

This year I woke up on a Saturday morning and had been bit by some such gardening bug. This was quite an unusual experience for us. I simply could not help myself. I was the one getting to the store to buy seeds and plants and deciding which vegetables to branch out into. Perhaps I had a nightmare dream that zucchini were overtaking my counterspace once again...

In any event, I pushed the boys this year.

Rototiller in place? Check

Plants and seeds purchased? Check!!

Meanwhile, as the rototilling and fertilizing commenced, I took note of the trees and bushes around the back yard, while the dogs ran for cover (the rototiller makes a lot of noise, you know...)
Baloo... happy to be noticed, yet ready to slip into the house at any opportunity:

Frodo... seeking protection from the lilac bush:

Speaking of the lilac bush, here is one of the first baby blooms!

Our nectarine tree is beginning to say good-bye to it's flowers and hello to it's leaves, but there's still plenty of pink:

And our rosemary busy was covered in flowers:

After diagramming the seeds and rows (see, I tell you I must have been bitten by some bug because this is NOT me!) with lovely brown rows of mounds calling out for seeds and plants, I took to planting.

We've got asparagus, artichoke, melon... ummm (I'm not looking in my diagram, so I am doing this by memory)... tomato, purple stuff, zucchini, acorn squash, butternut squash... oh, yeah, peas and Asian snow peas (Scott will build me a trellis for them)... shoot! What is that purple vegatable?? Oh, yeah, eggplant. That's it. And there's some chives and jalapenos out there, too.

What I like about gardening is heading out on a warm day to weed. It's busy work that actually lasts more than 5 minutes. Not like laundry and cooking and cleaning. You can also let your mind wander or focus in on dirt and plants... whatever you need to do...

We had a visit that evening from our grandson (his parents came along, too). So, what do you think? Future gardener??

Upon closer observation, looks like future RCM (remote control master) and CP (couch potato). However, I've got this boy's number... he prefers to be outside or playing quite actively... he's a fun one!

And though it might not seem thrilling to look at dirt... here's a shot of our future corn patch:

Corn requires extensive watering here because of our summer heat. Our well usually has 4-5 feet of water in it, but there is barely an inch this spring. We really need some rain. It happens to be sprinkling this morning. I hope we get a lot more, though.

So, while I haven't been posting very often lately, that is part of life around here lately... More updates to come...

Blessings!

February Wrap Up

'Twas the month of love. Going into this month, I had grand visions of hours in prayer and song, snuggling up to the God of Heaven that I believe in. My main goals were to be mindful of regular and often prayer... to keep a heart of worship... to feel that deep satisfaction that comes only when we do connect with our God.

I am not disappointed in how the month went... but, it didn't go as I'd thought it would. Life didn't become less interrupted. Disappointments were not avoided. Hours didn't suddenly become available. But some very important lessons were learned.

While I had my goals in mind, my Heavenly Father had his own agenda with my heart. I don't see myself as someone who lacks in ability to love. But, we do not see as our Father sees. It's kind of like how we see what we think is our personal "good" and compared to some "not good" out there, we feel content with who we are. But, then our "good" is weighed in the balance with Righteousness and we are sorely lacking. God had some surprises for me this month!

I attend a women's Bible study each Tuesday and the past couple of months we've been wading through several Old Testament books. At our small group discussion one week we took a look at Isaiah 50:4 "The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned." (King James, Cambridge edition). Well, I read it and thought about education. I totally missed the point and I really don't know how I missed it, but I did. I thought the message was for us to learn. The message, as discussed by several ladies, was that we are to learn to speak words that build up... to learn how to speak to make a difference in other's lives. This was early in February and I decided that I needed to work on my words. I knew that already, but I figured I really, really needed to stop speaking. Because, as I confessed at the beginning of the month, I get rushed or sidetracked and a little stressed and speak too abruptly to my children. So, I determined to conquer my tongue. What a battle... I tell you I am still working on that!! Some mornings I heard Thumper, on Bambi, saying, "If you can't say somethin nice, don't say nothin at all..." What caught me, though, was that when I would find myself snapping, in those moments I was really lacking love for my child. My motive was to get through the moment, to get to the next thing, to get a child to stop something that was irritating to me, etc. So, I began stopping myself from speaking and thought about how to show love to my child. (Child here refers to teens, for the most part, but some of my children are adults now, too!) (I am not feeling young at all...) (sigh)

As I kept working on this, I reaped the fruit of love being sown... peace... I absolutely love a peaceful atmosphere! When I began speaking in love, the home became more peaceful. ***Disclaimer*** Because I am rather honest, I must say that I have failed many times this month. Seems for every victory catching myself, I had a few failures.***

Happiness. The whole idea of a "Happiness Project" is to set monthly goals, hold yourself accountable (I use a daily chart), and work on areas that you believe if you would change, would increase your overall happiness. In all honesty, to report on how that went this month... it was a rough month. I had an intense battle mid-month that warred on and on within me. I could literally feel myself battling "good verses evil". I kept my mouth shut. (Hooray! Shout for joy with me!!) It was an all out war to not act unlovely and it would have been so easy to give in and be hurtful. But, it would have been wrong. Fortunately, I had a couple of close friends who I could call upon and let out what would have been hurtful to tell to others. Ever been there? For days I had a choice to make. I could lift my eyes to my Maker and hand Him my hurts and declare that He knows what is best and will work all things for good (because I am called according to His purpose)(that's in scripture)(Romans 8:28) and then choose to love and let go. God is good. I am learning so much!

Other events in life swirl around me... things I cannot control... (Have you ever tried to control a teenager??) And I appreciate what Gretchen Rubin wrote of in The Happiness Project. She shared that when things are not so rough and we are going about life day to day and we put into practice little habits that are good for us and our overall happiness, those daily habits pull us through when the hard times hit. I am still having to work on time management, particularly getting more sleep and keeping a notebook handy to write things down that I don't want to forget... and I am quite sure I could ramble on a bit more, but, that's about all I've got for now!!

I hope those of you who have made a couple of decisions to work on some little changes will contact me again and let me know how you are doing! I'll be posting about my monthly "March" goals very soon...

Blessings!!

Jeremiah 9:23-24 "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength, or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight declares the Lord."

Nature was showing off yesterday!

Blessings!

Give me a "B"! Give me an "E"! Give me a "K"! Yes, that spells BEK!!!

The sweet girl is my apple off the tree. I love it that without even knowing it, we find out that we pick the same things... we make some of the same choices... For example, I am taking a class right now and I have to take quizzes in pencil, correct in ink that is not black and I also have a red ink pen. I recently ran out of dark purple ink and I didn't want to have to keep trying to find a pencil, so I bought a few more. While Bek was here, I pulled them out and said told her about having to take quizzes in pencil, etc. and she starts laughing because she takes quizzes in pencil and corrects with dark purple in and keeps a red ink pen, too. I know it seems silly or coincidental. Goodness, there are probably many of you pencil, purple ink users out there who also keep red pens... and maybe you roll your eyes. But, for Bek and me, we look at each other and laugh because it's just one more thing we do the same when we don't even try! Now if she can start cooking like me.... lol.

More important than pen and pencil choices, though, is the heart of the matter. Bek loves so deeply. She understands the big picture. She works behind scenes to bless others without personal notice. The greatest thing for a mom who loves God is to hear from her child that they, too, love God. To have Bek begin to share her personal prayers and working through her faith gives me more to hold before God in my own prayers.

I knew my daughter needed some personal attention and fireworks for her birthday. So, after Jayden's birthday, we headed home for her birthday party. Scott and Nick spent time grilling ribs, which were accompanied by asparagus and salad. I don't have pictures of the most fun part... the games Bek and I picked out for the evening! Sometimes I drop the ball as the photographer, but I was having fun with everyone, not taking pictures!

So, we put an identity on each person's back and asked everyone to give clues so that we could each guess who we are... When we found out who we were, we then had to act that role throughout dinner. It was funny. I could not help but give Nick the identity of Johnny Depp. Clayton was Blake Shelton. Scott was John Wayne. Cody was the Crocodile Hunter. Lily was Hannah Montana. Bek and I were Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, which was funny because neither of us care about make-up or fashion... but, we knew how to pretend to be twins!! Scott made the very best John Wayne!!!! Then, at dinner, we were each given a card with two statements to make during dinner conversation... as often as we could in the normal course of conversation.

So... it went something like this:

Can I have some more?
Warning! Warning!
Has anyone seen my lip gloss?
My meatball rolled under the door!
And that's when I lost my button...
This is a test!
But, that doesn't explain the french fries in my shoes...

Anyway, there were a lot of laughs... just no photos!

By the way, have you ever seen Johnny Depp in goofy glasses??

It was fun to bless Bek with goodies... she appreciates every little thing and nothing goes for granted...

First, belated Christmas gifts from her Grandma Cathy and Great Grandma Lyn:

I knew that she would like pretzel sticks dipped in chocolate to stash away and pull out for a fun treat!

She loved her fuzzy, plush robe...

We'd picked out a fitted, smart looking "jacket" for her... She is always out and about and it's often in slightly chilly weather. She has to do a lot of footwork reporting this semester... She loved the smart jacket!!!

I love the tilt of her head, here. She's so dear to me. Like her momma, she isn't in a lot of pictures. Because she's busy taking care of something or someone. I love her so much.