Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My family grieves...

Some families are born out of marriage... others are born out of remarriage after divorce... and yet others are born after death.  Our family happens to be a cross of the latter two.  I married a man who lost his wife to cancer.  They were together for many years, raised two boys to adulthood and had two young sons.  Since I never knew Micheel, I really cannot say much about her.  But, I'd like to share about the family she left behind.

Scott was a faithful husband to her.  He would have never left her or been unfaithful.  He cared for her very much.  Sometimes I am envious at their communication... Scott tells me that they talked and talked and talked... about everything.  I could learn from Micheel about that.  Some days I ask, "Scott, do you sometimes walk through the house and just miss Micheel?"  And he says yes.  It's so important for him to know that it is okay to miss her... to remember her. 

Chris is her oldest son who has missed his mom so much that I have seen heartbreak in his eyes.  He stayed by her side day and night for weeks on end, caring for all her needs.  He and Sonia have wished so much that they could share their son, Christopher with her.  There is still a whole in their lives and I pray for peace, as they continue to grieve.  I am proud of them.  They are wonderful parents.  I enjoy it when we get little chances to visit, knowing that it is difficult for them.

Corey is an amazing young man.  He is approaching his 21st birthday and is one of the most responsible guys I have ever met.  His mother's passing came as he was preparing for graduation.  I cannot imagine the empty pain he must have felt on graduation day, just weeks later.  And he moved forward, bravely.  He has worked full time and attended college full time, paying his own way.  I am amazed at this guy!  I love to hear him laugh.

Clayton and Cody are now 13 and 11.  On sunny summer days I ask, "What is a favorite summer memory with your mom?" They tell me with happy eyes about something special.  And sometimes at bedtime I get to hear another memory, but their eyes are not happy... they are sad... and they pause and think of her, tears on their cheeks.  We look at pictures and I hear a little bit more. 

I haven't been able to share memories of Micheel with other family members... but I know how much Micheel loved them, because I've found little things that she wrote and left behind.  She adored her niece, Taylor, wanted the best life possible for her and loved helping with Taylor's baby, Noah.  There are many friends she left behind at church.  Once in a while I get to talk with one of those friends and I hear how much they loved her. 

Each year I buy flowers for remembering Micheel.  I have the boys write a note to her.  The last couple of years those notes were attached to balloons and we let them go from the church, after praying together and thanking God for her.  I also take pictures so that the boys will have a yearly memoir of these times... to stay connected. 

When I married Scott, I did not take Micheel's place.  Another family began... a different family.  Not a better family... just a different one.  And to Micheel's boys, Scott, Chris, Corey, Clayton and Cody I say I love you and I am so sorry for your loss.  May God's peace fill your hearts.





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